Why I Stopped Doing #boobiewed

I quietly stopped doing #boobiewed awhile ago. It happened around the time I posted my face as my avi. Part of it is that it seems strange to show so much of my body now that people have seen my face. I’ve humanized myself now, put a face with the name. People know more of the real me, instead of just the sexualized version of myself I had been portraying. Now it’s more personal to show myself somehow. Maybe I’m putting too much importance on it, I don’t know.

But the bigger part of why I stopped is simply that I’m happier than I was before, I think probably happier than I’ve ever been in my life. When I first started posting pictures of my tits on Twitter, I was in a bad place in my life. I felt neglected and rejected, and the attention I got from simply posting a picture of my tits in a bra on the internet was extremely alluring to me. That attention became a substitute for what I felt I wasn’t getting in my real life. That attention gave me temporary happiness. It served as a reminder that I wasn’t unattractive, that there were people who thought I was hot. Maybe that was pathetic of me, but at the time, it was exactly what I needed when I wasn’t getting the attention I craved. I started doing #boobiewed because it was a fun way to generate awareness about breast cancer, but somewhere along the way, I lost sight of its original purpose. It became just another way for me to feel better about myself when I was unhappy.

Now that I’m happier, I find that I don’t have any sort of desire to participate in #boobiewed any longer. I don’t need affirmation of my attractiveness from strangers on the internet because I’m getting that in real life now. Quite honestly, it’s a weird feeling. I mean, I know I’m hot, but it’s another thing entirely for me to recognize that others find me attractive as well. I suppose that comes from feeling unattractive for so long and not getting those assurances in real life. I’m slowly getting over that and realizing that I need to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I might still be taking pictures of myself, but they’re for a select audience of one (and @winelibrarian of course). ;)

This isn’t to say that I have anything against people posting #boobiewed avis. I want people do to what makes them feel good and I still think it’s a novel way to make people aware of self-breast exams and breast cancer in general. All I know is that I no longer like the way participating in #boobiewed makes me feel. It’s funny, because I used to say that I did #boobiewed because it was fun, not for the attention it got me. I think I’d even mostly convinced myself that I wasn’t doing it for the attention. Since I am happier now, though, the attention just feels unwanted instead of welcome.

In short, I appreciate everyone who has stuck by me as I continue to evolve and grow as a person. Your support means the world to me. Also? It appears that I’ve evolved into Sappy Bitchy.

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14 Responses to “Why I Stopped Doing #boobiewed”

  1. vodkaandlemons says:

    Fuck that! You’re not sappy, your honest, and that is something I am craving more and more on The Twitter.

    • Bitchy Librarian says:

      Ha! Honesty is hard to come by on the Twitter! :)

      And thank you. I’m glad to hear that someone appreciates honesty.

  2. Alisha says:

    you put into words how a lot of people feel.
    good for you :)
    everyone will be lucky enough one day to reach the place you have…im also one of the lucky ones :) x

  3. SaturNine says:

    Fuck the haters…naah, refuse to fuck the haters, that’s what they deserve. Seeing glimmers of the real you has made me enjoy your company on teh Twitturz even more.

  4. John says:

    We’ve always thought you were hot, and we certainly miss the #boobiewed avatars, because they were spectacular — but we’d much rather you be happy.

    Well said, all.

    • Bitchy Librarian says:

      I also spent too much time trying to one up the previous week’s #boobiewed avi. Ha.

      And thanks, John. :)

  5. helgagrace says:

    Glad that you’re in a better place. Sappy is not a bad thing!

    • Bitchy Librarian says:

      I really am so glad, too. It’s amazing what a difference just six months can make in a person’s life!

      And no, it’s really not! I kind of like sappy me. :)

  6. Hardin Reddy says:

    Somehow I missed the boobiewed posts, but I’m glad you’re revealing more of yourself now, and feeling comfortable doing it.

  7. thebooksluts says:

    I loved this post and the other post I read that was in the same vein (but never got to commenting on, on the blog–I know I tweeted you about it a bit). I went through the same thing, the act-mega-sexy-get-attention phase, although I think I carried it quite a bit further (ahem) into the realm of doing rather than just acting. At the time it seemed awesome, but now I look back and cringe. I feel so much better now that I just present myself as myself.

  8. Lou Lange says:

    Sappy Bitchy? No way! Things are changing and you are moving on from certain things and there is nothing wrong with that. As the song goes, “It’s your thing, do what you wanna do”.