Fickle Friends Can Go Eff Themselves

In my quest to actually stick to my weekly blogging schedule, I’ve been racking my brain this morning on what to write about. The past couple of days, and hell, maybe even the last year, have made me really evaluate my friendships with people so I thought I’d blog about the reasons why everyone should tell fickle friends to go fuck themselves. It was either that or blog about wanting to kiss someone’s face off and, well, that’s private.

My whole life I’ve always been the friend you could count on. I will have your back, give you the shirt off of mine, cook you dinner (pack leftovers for your lunch), listen to you rant and rant about your shithead boyfriend, read your resumes, send you job ads, do your laundry, watch your kids, watch your pets, you name it. In return, I’ve been lied to, used, mistreated, scapegoated, and obviously had money never paid back more than once. But whatever, I still always believe that at people’s core, they are good.

When I was going through a rough time in life and used Twitter as an outlet more (and yes, posted a lot more boob pictures), I would have expected for people I’d made friends with to back away a bit. Shocking, or not shocking, that didn’t really happen. I mean, not really. But, what I’ve noticed lately, or maybe its the paranoia I’m prone to, is that after I’ve found my happier, gentler self on Twitter (and through this blog, even), people are really becoming quite superficial. People who I thought were my friends, who knew my name and face before it was public, are ignoring me now. I guess maybe when you’re not the life of the party, you’re not as interesting. Whatever. That’s OK. But I think in keeping with my new rules, new happiness year of finding myself, I’m going to make some rules.


  • Communication is a two-way street. No longer will I listen to someone rant and rant and rant and NOT say, “How are you?”
  • Related: emotional dumping needs to come with a warning. I will still listen but I need a warning first, like “OMG, I NEED TO BREAK DOWN NOW. IS THIS A GOOD TIME.” Because really, I have a life too.
  • If you need a break in the friendship or your life has gotten so important and busy, I deserve you to stand up and say, “Sorry, I’m being a bag of dicks, but I’m getting ready for a wedding and I’m a bit stressed.”
  • My professional advice is no longer free to people who are bags of dicks or talk to people I hate. I don’t care how petty this sounds. I’ve worked my ass off for this career and I will help all the people I like. But I have limits.
  • Try to play me, ever, and we’re done.
  • Cancel plans more than three times and I’m over it.
  • Moodiness has limits. I can take waves but if it’s the constant? We can’t be friends.
  • Most importantly, if the information you give me about your significant other is always negative and portrays him as a douchebag, DO NOT BE SHOCKED when I tell you he doesn’t deserve you and he’s a douchebag.

In summary, as per usual, treat others as you want to be treated and don’t be a douche.

Happy Friday :)



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3 Responses to “Fickle Friends Can Go Eff Themselves”

  1. Lou Lange says:

    All of what you wrote is completely within reason. Friendship in general have changed over the years especially with the evolution of the electronic age.
    You are a good person!

  2. DR Perrrro says:

    Good to know the rules. Happy Friday to you!

  3. John says:

    Don’t be a douche?!

    But that’s the heart of my being. Are you saying that I shouldn’t be myself?