All the Changes

So I’ve got a lot going on in the next few weeks and I’m trying my hardest not to let my anxiety about all the things get carried away. Because I NEVER worry about anything.

Me and the boy. We're so adorable, I know.

Me and the boy. We’re so adorable, I know.

On May 30 (next Thursday!), my boyfriend is moving in with me! I’m beyond excited, but I’m also really nervous. He currently lives in Buffalo and we’ve only ever dated long-distance. So I know living together is going to be a lot different than weekend visits every month and nightly phone calls, but I’m looking forward to taking this next step in our relationship. It’s going to be so wonderful to cuddle up with him every night and wake up next to him each morning. I’m excited about going on weekly dates with him and exploring everything Cleveland has to offer together. I’m even looking forward to curling up on the couch with him and reading while he plays video games.

Mentally transitioning from “me,” “mine,” and “yours” to “we,” “us,” and “ours” has not been easy. I’ve become accustomed to living alone and it doesn’t help that we’ll be living in an apartment that I chose, not somewhere we chose together; however, he really does like my apartment, so at least there’s that. I’m mostly worried that he’s going to move in and decide that he hates me. That’s rational, right? Thankfully, he’s always been very good at assurances when my brain goes crazy like that.

When we first started exchanging messages on a dating site about a year ago, I never expected our conversations to turn into a serious relationship. I’m so thankful that he decided to message me even though we were three hours apart. I’m going to stop this before I get too mushy, but I’ve never been happier and he greatly contributes to my happiness.

A week after the boy moves in (June 6), I’m getting LASIK surgery! I actually go for my final pre-operative appointment on the day he moves in, so I may or may not be home when he arrives. I went for a consultation on Monday at the Cleveland Clinic and, after an incredibly long appointment with lots of waiting, I was told that I was a candidate for surgery. Apparently, some people in my prescription range (it’s horrible) aren’t able to get the surgery done, so I was quite relieved. I wasn’t anticipating being able to have my surgery done so soon, but my doctor only operates the first Thursday of every month and July is out because that’s the Fourth of July.

When the doctor told me that I’d be able to read a clock on the wall of the operating room immediately after my procedure, I almost burst into tears. I’ve been wearing glasses since the second grade. I don’t remember being able to read a clock on the wall without my glasses on. The last time I could see a clock on the wall without glasses would’ve been in first grade, and I don’t even know if I could tell time then.

This is basically what I see now without glasses.

This is basically what I see now without glasses.

People have suggested that I just get contacts, but this isn’t about me wanting to get rid of my glasses. I actually really like how I look in glasses. My doctor assured me that he could make my vision perfect, so I’m going to have to adjust to no longer wearing glasses. It’s going to be a shock to see my face in the mirror every morning for quite some time. Currently, my field of vision is about six inches. If something is six inches away from my face, I can see it clearly. Anything beyond six inches is blurry beyond recognition. Getting LASIK done will greatly enhance my quality of life. I’ll be able to see the minute I open my eyes. Currently, I have to squint at my large numbers clock to see the time.

I have a feeling that June 6 is going to be a really emotional day for me. If I’m able to cry tears after surgery, I’m sure I’ll be sobbing. I’ve had glasses for more than 20 years of my life and I can’t imagine being able to see without them. So if you see me, and I’m pushing imaginary glasses up my face, now you know why.

So yeah, two big life-changing events happening within a week of each other. Go big or go home, right? RIGHT? So here’s hoping I won’t be an emotional trainwreck by the time my 30th birthday rolls around on June 9. Oh right. I forgot to mention I was turning 30 this year, didn’t I? That’s not a big deal or anything. Ha!

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17 Responses to “All the Changes”

  1. Miyu S. says:

    I’m french and I’ve been following you on Twitter for quite a while now.

    I’m a librarian as well. I mean, I’m actually a trainee and looking for a position in a library.

    Reading you this last year has been really inspiring. I found your Twitter account quite randomly (typing “library” on Twitter I guess, haha) but I never left your followers ! I find a lot of my own anxiety in you, but you’re also very positive in your tweets. They make me smile when I struggle through public transportation on my way to class or work. They’re also funny and they make a difference in the way I see my future.

    So even though we’re complete strangers, reading this article made me so happy for you ! I can only wish you from the bottom of my heart the best with Mister here, and also success in your surgery.

    Sorry if I was out of line saying all of this at once, but I had to share how hopeful you make me for the future ! I guess you could say you’re an inspiration…

    My bests to the happy couple !

    Read you soon :)

    • Bitchy Librarian says:

      This is the sweetest comment ever. You have no idea how much this touched me.

      Since I wasn’t always so positive, it’s really amazing to hear that you’ve found me to be inspiring. That means so much to me. I’m glad I can be virtually there for you when you’re struggling to be positive.

      Thank you so much for your well wishes! I really appreciate them.

      Of course this wasn’t out of line! I’m glad you decided to comment. Thanks again for this sweet comment and for inflating my ego a bit! ;)

      Let me know who you are on twitter so I can follow you back! I’m terrible at following people, so I’d like to make sure you’re someone I follow!

      • Miyu S. says:

        Hi !

        I am so thrilled that you liked my comment :) I tried replying directly on Twitter, but for some reason it didn’t come through, so here’s the link to my Twitter profile :)

        PS : I’m pretty comfident in my english, but i do make mistakes… Please forgive them for english is only a second language ^^’

        • Bitchy Librarian says:

          I followed you back on Twitter! :)

          I took 7 years of French between junior high, high school, and college and I’m embarrassed to say that I can just barely read it. I had horrible instructors who didn’t care and while that was fine at the time, I really regret not knowing a second language. So I think you’re doing great!

  2. Cathy Norman says:

    Remember to breathe. Big changes often require deep breathing.

  3. @vodkaandlemons says:

    Change is good!! Have fun! I would recommend the yoga, I’m doing it again.

    • Bitchy Librarian says:

      I had this great yoga DVD where these Australian guys talked you through the moves in soothing voices. I think my ex took that. Hmph.

  4. BrewingLibMan says:

    Congratulations on the positive changes! You are building a positive framework around yourself and setting yourself up to succeed, so continue that and you’ll be great.

    I wish I was a LASIK candidate. I started wearing glasses in the first grade, over 40 years ago, so I know how it feels. Unfortunately, my decline in eyesight was one of they ways that I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and being diabetic leaves me out of the LASIK pool. I look forward to your first tweets about being able to see without glasses with envy :D

    • Bitchy Librarian says:

      Thank you! :)

      Well, I guess a lot of people with vision as bad as me have thinner corneas, which would’ve made the LASIK impossible. My cornea is thick enough, thankfully.

      That sucks that the diabetes prevents you from getting the surgery. That would be so frustrating.

  5. Erika says:

    Yay for positive changes! I’m so excited for you!

    As far as your vision, yeahhh mine is almost as bad as yours. I’ve never really looked into Lasik though because I know it’s expensive. I may have to put that on my wish list.

    Can’t wait to see some new pics of you without your glasses :)

    • Bitchy Librarian says:

      Thank you much! :)

      It is super expensive. My procedure costs $5,000. It includes all my pre-op visits and post-op visits for one year, so there’s that at least? I just took out a loan to pay for it, otherwise I never could have afforded it. It’ll be well worth the money, though!

      I’ll definitely be sharing some as soon as I can see enough to take them!

      • Erika says:

        I have my annual eye exam coming up so I will ask my doctor about Lasik and what my options are. I’ve been wearing glasses since I was in 7th grade and while I love the style of my glasses, it would be nice to get rid of them.

  6. Congrats.

    The wifebot and I started off as a long distance relationship. A REALLY long distance. It was Florida (me) and her in Cleveland. Crazy huh? First as friends but it quickly progressed to more. So I know all about that. It was a very exciting and anxious move. One that so many thought wouldn’t work. I fell in love with Cleveland (and pardon the mush but more in love with her) exploring it with her. I’m very happy for you and your exciting changes. You deserve good things and I’m glad you share so much with us. Sometime soon there should be a pub and drinks on me. Geez I really can turn anything into me drinking.

    • Bitchy Librarian says:

      Thank you!

      First of all, I love that you just called her wifeboat. I snorted.

      I had no idea that you weren’t a Cleveland native! I assumed you were, based on your twitter handle, I guess. Ha. How long have you lived here? That’s such an awesome story! How did the two of you meet?

      Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words. :) And YES, we should totally go out for drinks once my schedule isn’t insane at work and my eyes are all fixed! I would love that.

  7. Bitchy: Curious to know how you got over the emotional hump of having divorced and now making a live in commitment with a new guy. Although I just started dating a woman I am crazy about, I already feel myself recoiling at the idea of SERIOUS COMMITMENT b/c of negative connotations associated with my ex wife.

    I wish you much happiness!

    • Bitchy Librarian says:

      Well, the divorce was my idea, so I feel like that helps a bit. Plus, I feel like I learned so much about what I DON’T want in a relationship from my marriage and what to do to keep a relationship strong. I appreciate the boy so much more than I ever appreciated my ex-husband and I feel like I’m more equipped to handle relationship challenges than I was when I was 22 and just married, though now that I think back, I was never all that invested in my marriage.

      You said that you just started seeing this woman? Give it time. How long have you been divorced? I’ve only been divorced for like a year and a half, but I mentally checked out of my marriage about two years before I decided on divorce. So I don’t know, really. I guess I just really want a happy ending, as silly as that sounds.

      Thank you! And I wish you much happiness as well! :)